Wednesday, February 12, 2014
I am not enough
The feeling of inadequacy. Goodness, I feel it even now. I can't even spell 'inadequacy' without looking it up.
Sometimes I need to shut the rest of the world out. I didn't realize this about myself until recently but I feel stressed about hearing a problem and the need to fix it NOW. Maybe the fact that I am turning more into an introvert and am able to process some things about me better. I mean who says that "Once an extravert, always an extravert." People change. Isn't that *usually* a good thing. Growth that is.
But anyways. I read books. I read the Bible. I read blogs. I am on facebook. I hear needs and worries all the time and the inadequacy starts to bubble up and I feel a bit helpless, but more overwhelmed, and then I just shut down and don't help with any of it. A bit counter productive. I mean I read those blogs and want to connect with people so I can feel part of a community and offer my gift in some way, but, oh my lands! I can't do it all.
Then I remember. No I can't do it all and that is alright. The comparison of "Hey, look. They are serving in such an amazing way and touching so many lives. They are making a difference in this world. I am doing nothing like that." Oh there's that feeling again.
But here's the good news. This is where the peace comes to save the day!
No one else on this beautiful planet thinks about a certain 5 people the same as I do. Yes, there are others that love them but they don't serve them on a daily basis. They don't have that calling to go to them, ask them how they are doing, sit with them and share life with them. Snuggle them and teach them life. That's because that is my calling. Specifically for these 5 people for all of my life.
That is a HUGE and weighty ministry.
To neglect that ministry would be a huge mistake on my behalf.
I have been so encouraged by God to serve right where I am at. I am content here: right now. But I can honestly share with you that it has not always been that way. I dream of big adventures! I get sidetracked with dumb things. But right in this moment - praise God - I am fully here.
We are all called to things in life and we must all answer to Christ. Not any other person. Christ alone. We live our own little (or BIG!) lives unto Him.
So what is He speaking to your heart about? What do you feel so passionate about?
Pray for God to reveal these things to you if you don't know right now. Pray for your own heart to not deceive you. Sometimes we want something but God doesn't have that for us.
But never feel inadequate. Well, maybe. We can't do things by ourselves. We need God to come and rescue us so we can then be filled with the Holy Spirit, so then we will not be inadequate.
Then, go in His Spirit and do what He calls you to, with reckless Jesus filled abandon!